


Along for the Fall

by HapaxLegomenon



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Back when they were happy, Berik - Freeform, Complete, Freaky titan healing, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Pre-Relationship, Reibert - Freeform, Titan training, mysterious commanders, titan trio, well sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-23
Updated: 2014-03-23
Packaged: 2018-01-16 19:28:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1359139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HapaxLegomenon/pseuds/HapaxLegomenon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bertholdt is afraid of heights and losing control.  Reiner laughs, until it isn't funny anymore.</p><p>Pre-series, titan training.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Along for the Fall

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place before the events of the manga and anime, about three or four years prior to the fall of Wall Maria.

Reiner stood next to the pillar of scaffolding, craning his neck and squinting into the sun to see their commanders on the platform sixty meters above them.  “I always forget how tall you get,” he commented idly, not taking his eyes off the tiny figures high above him. 

There was no response from the boy beside him. Reiner glanced over at his friend, to see him staring straight ahead with a dazed expression.

“Bertholdt?”        

Bertholdt jumped a little before blinking and turning to look at him. Reiner gave him a small smirk. “What’s the matter with you?”

Bertholdt opened his mouth, closed it without a word, and shook his head, fixing his eyes firmly on the hard-packed dirt at his feet.  Reiner waited briefly for him to say something, familiar with Bertholdt’s quiet moods but not, by nature, a patient boy.

“Are you scared?” he taunted, poking Bertholdt’s ribs with an elbow, fully expecting Bertholdt to roll his eyes or make some quietly snarky comment at Reiner’s expense.  It was a familiar pattern – Bertholdt had always been one to escape into his own thoughts, and Reiner was always there to drag him back out.  This time, however, Reiner was surprised by the small shudder that ran across Bertholdt’s shoulders.

“Yes,” he whispered.  “I don’t want to do this, Reiner. I… I don’t like it.” Bertholdt squeezed his eyes shut at the admission, clenching his fists.

Reiner glanced at the commanders conferring over clipboards before stepping closer to Bertholdt and bumping their shoulders gently together.  “It doesn’t matter if you don’t like it.”  Bertholdt’s head jerked up at that, and he looked over at Reiner with an accusatory glare. 

“It doesn’t matter if you’re scared.  We still have to do it. You want to go home, right? Right?”  He waited for Bertholdt to nod before continuing. “Well, then, we have to do this.  Besides, your titan is really cool!”

A smile ghosted briefly across Bertholdt’s face.  “Yeah?”

Reiner grinned back at him.  “Yeah!  You’re so tall.”

“Right.” Bertholdt was frowning again.

An idea struck Reiner and he laughed before he could stop himself.  “Oh my Sina, Bertl, since when are you afraid of heights?”

“It’s not funny!” Bertholdt snapped back, face red. Reiner was trying to stifle his laughter, unwilling to attract their commanders’ attention but failing to muffle his amusement.

“Bertholdt, we train with the 3D maneuver gear _all the time_.”

“It’s not the same,” Bertholdt mumbled.  “I’m in control then.  The titan body… I don’t know how to control it, Reiner.  What if something goes wrong?”

Reiner sobered and moved to stand in front of Bertholdt, gripping him by the shoulders and starting directly into Bertholdt’s eyes. “That’s what this training is for.  So we can learn how to control it.  You’ll be fine, Bertl.  You always underestimate yourself.”

Bertholdt started to reply, when an order was barked from one of the nearby commanders.  Both boys jumped to attention.

“We are ready to begin.”

Reiner watched through the corners of his eyes as Bertholdt exhaled a shaky breath and nodded.  The commander handed Bertholdt a knife and gestured sharply for Reiner to leave. Reiner tried to give Bertholdt one last reassuring glance, but his friend didn’t look up from the serrated blade in his hand as Reiner walked away to stand with Berik and Annie under the scaffolding.

“He’s scared,” he informed them quietly.

Annie quirked an eyebrow up. “So?”

Reiner frowned at the scowling blonde girl but didn’t respond.  They all knew it wouldn’t change anything.

Reiner watched Bertholdt’s shoulders hunch briefly, before he drew the knife blade swiftly across his palm.  There was an explosion of heat and static, and when Reiner opened his eyes again, he found himself staring at a giant, skinless toe.  His eyes traveled up the leg, to a muscled thigh, then a hip and a torso, a broad shoulder, and the tiny head, so far above his own. _Wow_ , he thought. “Bertholdt’s amazing.”  He didn’t see Annie’s skeptical glance, his head tilted back and a smile stretching his cheeks.  Bertholdt’s head turned towards the platform on top of the scaffolding, where their commanders stood.  Reiner’s grin widened. Bertholdt was in control of his titan and listening to their commanders’ instructions.  There had been no reason to worry. _Of course not. You never give yourself enough credit, silly Bertl_.

Reiner was still grinning when he was hit with a sudden blast of steam.  He swore, covering his face with his arms.  He heard someone screaming.

“ _Bertholdt!_ ” his own voice screamed back, and he was running before he realized what was happening.  The steam dissipated in time for him to see Bertholdt flailing in the air before hitting the ground with a sickening crunch. 

He didn’t move.

Reiner couldn’t find words.  There was nothing in his head but a screeching terror and he threw himself down beside Bertholdt’s prone form.  He was dimly aware of some kind of commotion around him, but ignored it, his hands fluttering uselessly. His head was spinning and he gasped for air. “Oh no, no no no, Bertl, no, oh no no…”

Suddenly, Bertholdt gasped, eyes flying open and immediately filling with tears.  Reiner choked back a sob and grabbed Bertholdt’s hand, more roughly than he’d intended but not caring in his desperation.  Bertholdt’s eyes met his, glazed over with pain and confusion. Reiner gave him a watery smile. “Hi.”

Bertholdt’s voice was soft, dazed. “Rein – ah!” He screwed his eyes shut, tears leaking down the sides of his face, and screamed again. “H-hurts!”

Reiner didn’t even try to contain his own tears. “Yeah, yeah, I know, it’s gonna be okay, though, Bertl, okay?  You’re going to be fine, I promise.  I promise.” There was already steam rising from Bertholdt’s torso and mangled legs.  Reiner reached around to cup Bertholdt’s cheek; he didn’t want Bertholdt seeing the splinters of bone and dark puddles of blood.  “Just look at me.  Just focus on me, okay, Bertholdt?  Can you do that?  Just look at me.  It’s gonna be okay.”

Bertholdt’s eyes locked with his, and he nodded jerkily, his face pale and glistening with sweat and tears.  Reiner had to bite his lip to keep from sobbing at the acute pain he saw there, and he tried to smile reassuringly, but his mouth was shaking too much to keep up the façade. He couldn’t remember ever having been so scared.

“Reiner,” Bertholdt gasped, “what – what happened?”

“You were unable to maintain your titan form,” answered a voice from behind Reiner. He jumped.  One of their commanders.  “The body disintegrated before you could accomplish any of the trial tasks we had set out for you. You’ll have to do better next time.” Bertholdt sniffed but didn’t respond.

Reiner gaped as the commander knelt down beside Bertholdt’s legs.  “Braun. Hold him still.”

That was all the warning he gave before grabbing the fragments of Bertholdt’s left leg and twisting them back into shape.  Bertholdt screamed and arched his back, screamed again when the right leg received a similar treatment.  Reiner scrambled to pull Bertholdt into his lap, pinning his arms and offering whatever comfort he could with soothing _shush_ noises.  Bertholdt buried his face in Reiner’s shoulder with a whimper, eyes squeezed tightly shut.  Wiping his hands on his pants, the commander straightened up.

“Get him out of here as soon as his bones knit.  We don’t have time for this,” he ordered.  Something was scribbled on the clipboard and he walked away without another glance.

“Jerk,” Reiner muttered under his breath, glaring.

“Reiner?”

Reiner looked down at the boy in his arms and smiled reassuringly. “Don’t worry, Bertl. I’m gonna take care of you, okay? I’ll take care of you.”

An arm wound its way around Reiner’s middle and squeezed.  Bertholdt’s breathing calmed, and the steam rising from his body dissipated to a slow trickle.  A moment later, he struggled into a sitting position, blinking leftover tears and rubbing his shins gingerly.  Reiner leaned back, cross-legged, with a quiet sigh of relief and a grin already back in place. 

“Okay now?”  Berik and Annie had drifted over from the scaffolding, Berik’s open face showing honest concern.  Annie’s expression was carefully neutral, though her face was several shades paler than usual.  She didn’t say anything, but watched Bertholdt from the corners of her eyes.

Bertholdt bit his lip, but nodded and started to stand. Reiner hastened to catch him when he yelped and faltered.  “Whoa, Bertl, take it easy.  We got you.”  He wrapped one of Bertholdt’s arms around his shoulders, gesturing to Berik to do the same.  “Let’s get you back to the dorms,” he suggested, squeezing Bertholdt against his side and smiling at his friend.

“You’re okay now.” 

 

That night, curled up in his cot and staring across the room at Bertholdt’s narrow back, Reiner couldn’t sleep.  Every time he closed his eyes, the image of Bertholdt’s scared, tortured expression flitted across the inside of his eyelids.  Reiner groaned, digging the heels of his hands into his eyes, but the image remained. Giving up on sleep, he clenched his jaw and made a promise.  _That will never happen again.  I won’t let it._

“I won’t let you hurt like that ever again,” he whispered to the moonlight.

“Never.”

 

\-----

 

Years later, Reiner would wake from his delusions, disorientated and with a vague feeling of loss, and he would see that face.  The dull, pained eyes, the sheen of sweat, the desperate set of Bertholdt’s mouth, and he’d wish he was dead.   Because death would be better than seeing that face.  Death would be better than breaking his promise, death would be better than the absolute agony he was putting Bertholdt through.  When he came back to himself, and he saw that face, it took everything he had to not break down, to not throw his arms around Bertholdt, _his_ Bertholdt, and sob apologies and promises, but he couldn’t.  He couldn’t, because they had their mission. He couldn’t, because no matter the promises he’d made, he wasn’t safe in his own mind. He couldn’t control what the Soldier did.  Berik was gone, Annie was light years away in the inner walls, and he was slowly losing himself. He couldn’t even keep the promises he’d made as a _child_. 

He realized, then, how truly lost he was.

 _Please, find me_.

**Author's Note:**

> Attack on Titan has inspired me to write again. I am quite out of practice, so constructive criticism is appreciated.
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Talk fandom to me on Twitter at [@paxlegomenon](https://twitter.com/paxlegomenon).


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